why

Why is my heart so hard? The longer I spend time here, it seems that a hard shell is also forming around my heart? I seem to be acquiring more materialistic tendencies and losing more of the person I truly am. I am so riddled by guilt that I refused to give something that was so little and would take away nothing from me. I may not have everything, but I've always had enough. What I demonstrated today was nothing short of selfishness, knowing that I have more than enough and what even goes to waste sometime, yet I did not give. I know that saying sorry will not undo what I have done, nor will it give what I have not given, yet, I believe this is a wakeup call. A call to look back to what I was and to undo what I have become. Am i this monster living within me? this selfish person who fails to give and yet have been weaned on the gifts of others? How hardhearted I have become. I no longer know me. And regret always happens in the end. I only wish that it is not yet too late for me to turn back to the right path and to realizing my true dream and my real potential. Is it ever too late? am I doomed forever?

Lost

I feel lost and utterly out of place with what i am doing right now. I know that this is not me. I feel like i am just filling up my days with endless things so that i will not become bored. or just to deny the fact that this is no longer me anymore. i feel like there is something totally alien and hostile that is in me right now. when i look back at my friends, i catch a glimpse of who i was before. someone that i totally know. but to look at myself right now, i feel like i am looking at someone else's life. does working in a call center change you that much? that i can no longer reconize myself? true, i do not lack for anything, and i enjoy the income it brings. but in the end, the question is, it is worth it? is it worth losing myself and who i really am?